Puns For Educated Minds 1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's Round Table was Sir Circumference. He acquired his size from too much pi. 2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian. 3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still. 4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated in an algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption. 5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work. 6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery. 7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering. 8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart. 9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie. 10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. 11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it. 12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. 13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway One hat said to the other, "You stay here, I'll go on a head." 14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me. 15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said, "Keep off the Grass." 16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, "No change yet." 17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion. 19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large. 20. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran. 21 A backward poet writes inverse. 22. In a democracy, it's your vote that counts. In feudalism, it's your count that votes. 23. Don't join dangerous cults, practice safe sects.